Things are finally getting back to “normal” here at the farm. Coming to terms with Martha’s sickness and subsequent passing has been difficult for the entire family. I have resoundingly closed many doors and enthusiastically opened others and those decisions have taken some time to sink in. Closing doors always requires a time of healing and regrouping and this time it was no different… adding Martha’s death to that and I shut down to full on hermit mode which was exactly what I needed.
I am thankful for the friends that gave me space and let me heal. I’m equally thankful for the friends that showed their true colors and allowed me to walk away with no regrets. I’m thankful for the friends that have stood waving on the horizon, not pushing or demanding but quietly waiting until I return to the land of the social. And I’m thankful for the new friends that have popped up, not demanding an all or nothing relationship but letting me hang out and just be a part of the group.
It’s been pretty common knowledge that I haven’t ridden in several months. This has actually been a good break as it has allowed me to realize a few things about my riding habits. I have always had a riding companion outside of my household. I also have a tendency to make that companion’s riding more important than my own. So many times I would come in from a ride frustrated because the entire ride had focused on problems my riding companion was having, or on goals they were trying to achieve and my riding had consisted of following or keeping up. The few times I was actively working my own horses semi disastrous, confidence shaking consequences ensued. So I quit trying.
My hiatus from riding has let me see this more clearly and has also allowed me to set goals which are a little scary, but I think attainable. I’ve also had time to tweak my horses’ feeding regime, which had a sudden and frightening overhaul at the first of the year when our feed supplier made drastic changes to their pricing that put them well out of our budget. Days of research, headaches, lack of suppliers, price point issues… the horrors of figuring out how to feed 16 horses so that their nutritional needs are met without breaking the budget followed. Currently the horses are on a couple different feeds and we’ll see how that turns out (possibly a review in the future).
We did add a new horse to the farm. I will be blogging about him soon. He is Guinness’ half brother and came from a neglect situation in the lower part of the state. I don’t always change horse’s names when they come to me but in his case I felt that a change was in order so I named him Fawkes after Dumbledore’s phoenix. I have taken some flak for essentially naming him “Fox” but it only takes a few minutes in his presence to realize it’s the perfect name either way.
Tonight the time changes which will facilitate many of the changes we are hoping to see on the farm. Longer days means more daylight and more daylight means a return to riding!